Not as Alone as You Feel

let's be honest, we're all struggling

The worst part about going through a difficult time is feeling alone. Your world suddenly starts moving in slow motion. Emphasized and underlined are your personal series of unfortunate events playing over and over again. But you look around and everyone else seems fine. Their lives are continuing as they normally would but you are stuck in what feels like an eternal despair. You wonder, "how? how can they all be fine?" The truth is, they aren't. We're all struggling. Some of us are just better at pretending than others. Why is that?

It's because pretending works, at least momentarily. And we all do it. Have you heard of social media? It's a great way to broadcast the best, and only the best, snapshots of your life. You're smiling, you're on the grass, and you're surrounded by great friends that you love! Life is perfect. It doesn't matter if you had to wipe away your tears before taking that selfie or convince yourself that life would have something great to offer you if only you just got out of bed and showered. What was created to bridge connections between people regardless of race, gender, and location has also resulted in making us feel lonelier than ever before. This is because we only show the version of ourselves that we want others to see. We never show our worst days because our society is unequipped to handle authenticity. We would and we do get punished for it. The looks of pity, the talking behind our backs, and the "oh god, poor thing." It's a lot easier to hide this part of ourselves but at what cost? No one knows that we're struggling. No one knows that the smiles are fake. No one knows how alone we feel.

The sick thing is that capitalism actually thrives on these feelings. If we were all truly happy and content with our lives, how would corporations and businesses make a living? How would they be able to sell us a packaged yet unattainable image of perfection? Exactly. Research has proven that people are more incentivized to make purchases when they feel sad, distraught and depressed. Retail therapy is what they call it. Remember that montage of Claire in Clueless shopping until she could figure out her feelings for Josh? I'm actually still recovering from the whole step sibling romance but this is a perfect example of how capitalism uses our negative emotions to its advantage. It offers us a myriad of material items to fill our emotional void. In the words of Solange, "thought a new dress could make it better" and just like pretending, this works temporarily. But at the end of the day, those feelings are as real as they always were. You're still "alone" but now you've got a new pair of really cute shoes.

What would happen if we were honest? If we shared our feelings of depression, suicide attempts, sexual assault and the list sadly goes on. For one, we would be issuing a gigantic fuck you to capitalism which is always encouraged. But more importantly, we would be freeing ourselves from perfection and showing others that they aren't alone after all. Those individuality complexes would be shattered and we would feel more connected than ever before. We would know that we weren't alone in those deeply entrenched and god awful feelings. We would be able to remind ourselves that no, I'm not the first to feel unlovable or broken. We have all been there. Being honest would mean finding community, support and reassurance. Being honest would mean being able to see a future where you have made it to the other side and where these feelings don't haunt you every night. Being honest would radically change the way we think of ourselves and the way we treat others. Honesty is so powerful.

The next time you see someone's instagram account and feel your heart sink at how happy and perfect their life seems, remember this. Remember that just like you, people are really afraid to be vulnerable. And who can blame them? But know that no matter how unique this pain may feel, someone, somewhere has experienced it before. You are never as alone as you feel.