Sexual Harassment: Enough is Enough

I’m sure every girl and female identifying person can relate to the contents of this article. We are so exhausted. Enough is enough

I’m tired of being sexually harassed. I’m tired of walking down the street, minding my business and a man thinking it’s appropriate to disturb my peace. No, I’m not interested. No, I won't tell you where I’m from or what my name is. No has always and will always mean no. It doesn’t mean try harder. It doesn’t mean continuing to walk alongside or behind me. It means leave me alone.

I often feel like a piece of meat to men. I remember the first time a man looked at me with his dirty intentions so audaciously evident in his eyes. I was 13 years old. He had to be at least 40. I was leaving a shopping center with my mom and as I walked through the parking lot, I saw this grown man stop dead in his tracks and creepily stare at me. I felt disgusted. I wanted to wipe his gaze right off my body. Unfortunately, this is a feeling that has only gotten worse as I have gotten older. Men don’t seem to see me, or women in general, as sentient beings worthy of respect and consideration. We are read as sexual objects to be conquered, used and disposed of. And unfortunately, the chase seems to be what is most exciting to them. To them it is perfectly fine that we aren’t initially interested; the chase is everything. They’re like pesky children repeatedly asking you “how bout now? how bout now?” after you’ve told them no. And god don’t get me started on the way my heart starts to beat uncontrollably when I need to walk past a group of men. I feel like a gazelle in the wild. I know what’s about to happen, yet I can’t truly brace myself for the feeling of being reduced to something rather than someone. This kind of treatment makes us feel like something to be consumed, not someone to be understood.

What really saddens me is that I have been harassed the most while being in predominantly Black or mixed race countries. As many of you know, I have been in my “Mrs. Worldwide” era and have been travelling quite a bit for the past 6 months. I cannot begin to express how frustrating it was walking down the streets while I lived in the Dominican Republic. I could not leave my house without being whistled at, having men smooch at me or yell at me in an attempt to “flirt.” I brought up the issue with some of my Dominican friends (both men and women) and they chalked it up to being a natural part of Dominican society. Even worse, my friends told me that this kind of sexual harassment is a way of complimenting beautiful women. Essentially, if you don’t get whistled at then it means you’re unattractive. It was an off-handed way of saying “Destiny, you should be flattered.” Like BFFR. Being smooched at is so demeaning and it concerned me that some Dominican women have deeply internalized this kind of harassement to the point where they see this as a compliment rather than degrading. Spanish is easily one of the most alluring languages in the world and you’re telling me that being whistled at, like a dog, is a meaningful way of letting a girl know that you’re interested in them?

I am currently in Dakar, Senegal and yet again, I am being sexually harassed at an extreme level. Yet again, I cannot leave my house without a man disturbing my peace. However, I must say that the harassment is different here. Instead of being smooched at or whistled at, Senegalese men will often walk alongside you and try to spark up a conversation. Don’t get me wrong, this is certainly a step up from what I experienced in DR. However, many refuse to take no for an answer. I say I’m not interested; I say no; I say leave me alone; I say go ahead of me and walk instead of walking alongside me…and believe it or not, it takes repeating each of these at least twice for them to stop harassing me. No literally means nothing to them and that is so scary. Especially considering that rape and sexual assault have only recently been considered as felonies in Senegal as opposed to being low level misdemeanors with jail time between 6 months and 1 year. It is terrifying that when you say “no” and you start getting rightfully pissed off, they remind you that this is the "country of teranga" ( meaning country of good hospitality) and that your reaction to being sexually harassed is out of line with national expectations. How dare you respond to me bothering you in this way? Don’t you know where you are? Why won’t you let me touch you as you walk past me? Don’t you know where you are? I have spoken to other Senegalese women about this subject and they have told me that this kind of harassment is unfortunately a big problem in this country, even for local women. They each have their strategies for avoiding male attention, walking quickly, ignoring the men that try to speak to them and taking taxis when they can despite it being more expensive than walking. All of that just to avoid being treated like less than human from Senegalese men. Enough truly is enough.

I am not sure if it’s because I, a Black woman, am seen as being more beautiful in these predominantly POC countries, but it is frustrating that being surrounded by men of my own race is when I feel the most unsafe. It should absolutely not be this way. Black men, EVERYWHERE, need to do better. How can I forget a man of West African origin running after me as I walked peacefully in Bordeaux, France? I really want to emphasize that this kind of sexual harrassment is not only rampant in predominantly Black countries. If I remember correctly, there is a new pink bus, perhaps in Singapore, that is only reserved for women. That way, women can get where they want to go without being sexually harassed or assaulted. Like are you kidding me? Are these the lengths that we have to go to?

I’m really annoyed, rightfully so. I don’t want to fear men. I don’t want to not spark up a conversation with a man because I’m worried that they will take it the wrong way. I don’t want to live my life re-enforcing the gendered idea that men are inherently more dangerous than women. Yet I truly have no other choice. I have to protect myself. I have to be vigilant, always. There will always be a man hoping to take advantage of me if I am not careful enough. Hell, even if we are careful, we are still not safe. We are never safe. We have to live our lives trying to protect one another and ourselves to the best of our ability. We have to avoid certain areas at certain times of the day. We cannot take evening jogs. We have to check our backseat when we get in the car, lock our doors immediately upon entry and quickly drive away in order to prevent being attacked in parking lots. We cannot stop ourselves from experiencing this kind of gendered violence and it makes me so angry. Extremely angry.

Being attracted to me gives you no right to harass or violate me. Being attracted to me gives you no right to make me uncomfortable. Being attracted to me gives you no right to ignore me as I continuously repeat that I am not interested. Like just stop. You, a sentient being, would not want this kind of attention. So why direct it towards us? Literally what’s not clicking??