Aspiration of the Month: Patience

An honest and brief update: Learning to be patient with myself.

Whenever I have been going through a difficult time and being a bit too harsh on myself, my past therapists would often asked me what I would say to a friend in my position. Though I have definitely rolled my eyes at this question before, intuitively I understood why it was so important to figuratively reverse the roles. We are more likely to grant leniency and patience to our friends, family members and other people that we are close to than to ourselves. The rules and expectations that we have for ourselves are often more stringent, suffocating even. As someone who has struggled with being a perfectionist, this is especially true.

Right now I am particularly struggling with being patient with myself. It has been difficult to balance the intense academic expectations of this college, secure an internship that is both impressive to me and will be to future employers, take care of myself, prioritize quality time with myself and friends, keep up with family and friends back home, work enough hours each week to afford life….and the list goes on. And have fun! Absolutely cannot forget to add “have fun” to the GCAL. Quite frankly, there does not seem to be enough hours of the day. Some of the promises that I made to myself prior to the start of this semester such as remaining consistent to self-care, dedicating time in the morning and evening for meditation, and writing frequently have fallen by the wayside. There seems to be a persistent “should” police resting comfortably on my shoulder deciding when my reality has fallen short of my expectations. Being surrounded by others who have also fallen prey to this all encompassing work culture certainly does not help.

I think people who struggle with anxiety think that we can perfectly plan for and execute every aspect of our lives. 9:30-10:45, gym, 10:45-11:15, quick breakfast, 11:15-11:45, shower…every minute accounted for, no room for life and its pesky “inconveniences.” Though I am fully aware that not meeting certain deadlines you had for yourself is a natural part of life, it does not mean that I welcome these changes to my plans. But I want to work on it. I am working on it. I want to work on talking to myself and treating myself the way that I treat the people that I love. I, too, am a person that I love. I want to wake up everyday and remind myself that as long as I am doing what I can, I am doing enough. That as long as I am, I am enough. I want to remind myself that there are more important things to life than crossing off an item on my to-do list. I want to look in the mirror peak stressing out about my course readings and say "go take a nap cause it's not that serious."

So it’s okay

It’s okay, it’s okay

I promise

Try not to be your biggest critic

Try being your biggest supporter instead

Be patient with yourself my love

It’s okay, it’s okay

I promise

image credits: catherinetoon (instagram)